


when i fell, you pulled me through

by skatershelley (niamdox)



Series: memoirs of an imaginary friend (lashton) [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ashton is Luke's imaginary friend, Imaginary Friends, Kid!Fic, M/M, Sad Ashton, Sad Luke, cause ashton disappears but he's not /dead/ yanno?, sad sad boys, unsure if warnings apply, you can guess where this is going
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-25
Updated: 2014-11-25
Packaged: 2018-02-27 01:02:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2673041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niamdox/pseuds/skatershelley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Ashton?"</i>
  <br/>
  <i>"Yeah, Lukey?"</i>
  <br/>
  <i>"You're real..aren't you?" Luke's voice was suddenly small and timid, and made him seem so much younger than nine years old.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>"Of course I'm real, how else would I be here?"</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Ashton is Luke's imaginary friend. You can probably guess where this one is headed. (Alternatively titled "abby is incapable of writing lashton that is not sad" but that was a bit long, I thought.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	when i fell, you pulled me through

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Carry You by Union J because I can't really thing of anything better.
> 
> I wrote this early this morning instead of sleeping because apparently, 2 hours of emotional Radiolab makes me write things like this. I only skimmed it just now, so excuse any mistakes and all that. I should probably get a beta. But that takes time and waiting and I'm not good with that so we'll continue on like this.

Ashton remembers when Luke would spend every waking moment of everyday with him. He'd been with him since Luke was a toddler. Which was an impressive run, he thought. Most of the other neighborhood  kid's friends had disappeared a long time ago. Or had been forgotten about, only to be replaced by a new friend within days.

But Luke was different. More loyal, Ashton thought. Even when they would overhear Luke's parents concerns about Ashton still being around after all these years. Luke was, after all, nearly ten years old. Ten year olds don't have  _imaginary_ _ _friends anymore. That was when Luke would pipe up from his hiding place, fighting back tears and telling them with a trembling voice that Ashton__   _was_  real, and they had hurt his feelings, before running from the room, Ashton quick on his heels, and locking the door. Completely ignoring the concerned calls from down the hall, even after they arrived knocking at his door.

Ashton sat with him while he cried himself out, stroking his back and whispering little  _shhh_ _-_ ing noises until Luke finally sat up, wiped his red rimmed eyes and let out a little sniffle.

"Ashton?"

"Yeah, Lukey?"

"You're real..aren't you?" Luke's voice was suddenly small and timid, and made him seem so much younger than nine years old.

"Of course I'm real, how else would I be here?"

"Jack says I made you up in my head."

"Jack is a stupid lie-face." Ashton said, without an ounce of doubt in his mind.

 

* * *

 

And he never did doubt it, until Luke started year six two years later. He made friends other than Ashton at school. Calum Hood and, much to Ashton's shock and horror, Michael Clifford. The same boy that used to snap rubber bands at the back of Luke's head when the teacher wasn't looking and once pushed him off the swingset in Pre-K, sending him to the nurse with cuts and scrapes where Ashton comforted him until him mum came to pick him up.

Ashton voiced his distrust loudly everytime Luke skipped over to where Michael and Calum waited on the playground, only earning himself a swift and harsh whisper of  _"shut up, Ashton!"_ before he was ignored altogether. Eventually, Luke started leaving him at home while he went to school.

Being alone wasn't something Ashton was used to. He'd constantly had Luke by his side for as long as he could remember. Since as long as  _Luke_  could remember. He didn't know what to do with himself without Luke there.

At first, he tried to strike up a friendship with Luke's mum. Following her about the house, talking about this thing and that, and getting nothing in return. Like he wasn't even there.

 

 

* * *

 

Weekends had always been Ashton's favourite. He had Luke all to himself, save for lunch and supper. They were free to be whatever they wanted. Pirates, doctors, astronauts, knights, anything and everything they could think of. But it always ended the same no matter what game they played, sprawled out in the grass, laughing about nothing in particular. Unfazed by the seemingly never ending Australian heat.

But the days of playing pretend and tearing through the neighborhood park like banshees were over. Replaced instead by video games that Ashton could never fully understand his inability to play.

"Maybe the controller's busted," Luke offered, his smile wavering for just a second at a defeated Ashton.

"It's okay, Luke. You play, I'll watch you."

"Are you sure? We can do something else. Turn on the telly?"

"No, no," Ashton insisted, giving Luke a crooked smile. "You're having fun. That's fun for me."

Luke looked unsure. He almost looked sad for what felt like ages but was actually only a fraction of a second. His usual smile returned immediately. "Okay..but if you get bored, there's got to be some good cartoons on."

 

* * *

 

"Luke, can I ask you something?" Ashton asked late one night. Staring at the dim, dying glow of the plastic stars still stuck to the ceiling above Luke's bed.

Luke didn't answer, but yawned and nodded against Ashton's shoulder. Ashton took that as a yes.

"I'm real, aren't I?"

"'Course you are, Ash," Luke mumbled sleepily, his voice squeaking a bit. "How else would you be here?"

"I don't feel very real."

"Do you feel this?" Luke tickled Ashton in  _just_  the right spot. Over his ribs, right below his armpit. And it sent Ashton into peels of giggles that sounded awkward, given the serious tone in the air.

" _Yes,_  I feel it! Stop that!" Ashton gasped in between giggles, still fighting for breath long after Luke had stopped.

"Then you're real. Case closed. Now go back to sleep, ding-dong."

 

 

* * *

 

Ashton can clearly remember the first time his existence wavered. Actually, physically, wavered.

It felt like a sheet getting the bits shaken out of it. Or a thin tree branch being blown in the air on a particularly windy day. It felt like what he imagined a funhouse mirror must feel like, with all it's ripples that distort the light and make things appear all wonky when you look through it.

And it scared the daylights out of him.

He wanted so bad to be able to grab a hold of Luke and hold him tight and never let go again. But Luke was at Michael's house for the afternoon, and given Ashton's distrust for Michael, Luke had left him at home.

Instead, he curled up in Luke's bed and curled up with Luke's blankie, breathing in his scent and imagining it was Luke instead. It helped, a little bit, until Luke got home.

Against his better judgement, he told Luke everything. And Luke patiently waited through until Ashton finished rambling about how he thought he would never see Luke again.

It took a while to process. Luke sat kicking his feet off the edge of the bed, staring at the floor for the longest two or three minutes of Ashton's life.

"You're not going anywhere, Ashy. I promise." Luke finally said, his voice once again quiet and small, like he was a child all over again.

All Ashton could do was wrap his arms around his best friend, clinging to him like his life depended on it.

 

* * *

 

Luke suddenly started spending more time with Ashton again after that. He would turn down spontaneous invitations to play with Michael and Calum, making up some sort of lame excuse, in favor of Ashton. It wasn't the same though. Luke was different now. More grown up. And Ashton was just the same as he always had been.

No matter how hard Luke tried, he just couldn't fully get into the roles he was playing. His lines seemed forced, like he didn't really believe that there was a fire-breathing dragon in the closet hidden behind luke's of dirty laundry, or that they were really losing their patient on the desk. Every time, it made Ashton feel those little ripples again. And it wouldn't stop until Ashton suggested that they watch TV in the living room for a bit.

 

* * *

 

Luke started year seven around the time Ashton started to really think. There wasn't time for their games anymore. Now, Luke had piles of homework to do and tests to study for and none of it made sense to Ashton.

"Maybe I could help better if you brought me to school again." Ashton suggested offhandedly in the middle of a late night study session one night.

Luke fidgeted nervously. "I don't know, Ash...I don't think you'd like it."

"But I wanna help you."

"I know, but..." Luke's voice trailed off and he picked at a piece of gunk stuck to the cover of his textbook.

"Are you embarrassed of me? Did I do something wrong? You keep acting funny.."

"No! I love you, I'm just. Tired. School is hard now, you really wouldn't like it."

Ashton decided to drop the subject instead of pressing further. Luke seemed upset enough as is, even if Ashton didn't understand why. He leaned against the blonde's side and quietly watched him work.

 

Ashton swears he heard Luke cry that night. Muffled sniffles and shaking shoulders that broke Ashton's heart. He moved to cuddle up with him, try and comfort him somehow, but Luke just froze under him. Ashton suddenly felt like he was intruding somewhere he wasn't welcome.

 

* * *

 

The day they said goodbye was the hardest.

Luke had only grown more distant, and Ashton more distraught as the days and weeks past.

Ashton felt like a ghost of himself, physically and emotionally. He was losing the one thing he had ever truly known without knowing why. The ripples he had felt before that scared him so much were a constant presence now. So much so that they were impossible to ignore.

Somehow, he knew that it was over. And as soon as he realized that, everything clicked.

All these years, he really had been imaginary. He was still there because Luke wanted him to be. And now? Luke was growing up. He had his real friends now. Ones his mum and dad and brothers could all see and hear and really talk to. He didn't need Ashton for that now.

It hurt, but he knew Luke had to let go of him. No matter how much he wanted otherwise, he couldn't stick around forever.

They both cried. Luke looked so small and helpless that it was almost enough to convince Ashton that he was still a kid and he was still needed. Almost.

"I don't know how I know, but I promise I'll always be here. Not here, but," Ashton tapped Luke's forehead. "In here." He paused for a second, thinking about if it was too cheesy to say but  _screw it,_  he tapped Luke's chest next. "And here...that sounded stupid, didn't it."

Luke actually laughed then. Tears still stained his cheeks, but he laughed. "Only you, Ash. Only you."

Ashton joined in Luke's laughing, until it slowly died down and Luke was back to sniffling and holding back small sobs.

"You're still real to me, Ashy." Luke sniffled, holding his arms out for Ashton to slide into and held on as tightly as his imagination would allow.

And just like that, Ashton was gone. Ripped away into a nothingness that even Luke's imagination couldn't find a way to fill.

 

\----------EPILOGUE-----------

 

Luke must have fallen asleep, because he woke up to someone standing next to his bed, poking his side repeatedly.

"No, Cal, he's totally dead. He isn't moving."

_Michael._

"He is too moving, squid-for-brains. You can see him breathing."

_Calum._

Knowing they wouldn't shut up until he acknowledged them, Luke rolled over, cracking an eye open at his friends. Mumbling something that he hoped sounded like  _"can I help you?"_  


"Your mum let us in." Michael explained. "Also, you look like death."

Calum elbowed him hard in the ribs. "You okay, Luke?"

It wasn't until then that he looked around and realized that it wasn't just a bad dream. That Ashton really was gone. Back to whatever part of the brain imaginary friends come from. He felt a little pang of sadness in his chest. "Yeah, I just..said goodbye to an old friend, is all."

And somehow Luke wasn't sure how, he swore he could feel Ashton hugging him from inside. He didn't know how, but he tried to hug him back with everything he had.

And from somewhere, somehow, Ashton felt it, and knew that Luke was going to be okay without him.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the cruddy ending, I was stuck and kept getting mad it wasn't at 2000 characters yet so I just kept adding words and even now I don't have that and I give up.
> 
> If you want me to write Lashton that isn't sad or you have any other ideas, hit up tumblr (fckedniam) or twitter (@hensley5sos), but no real promises. Sometimes I write prompts right away, other times I let them sit around for almost a year and wow I need to finish that George/Jaymi thing from last December...


End file.
